


Get Serious

by thefantasticphantomwriter



Category: Marvel
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, PWP, Smut, they are both idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:22:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25027648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefantasticphantomwriter/pseuds/thefantasticphantomwriter
Summary: Wade jokes about absolutely everything, and one of his favourite subjects is Peter. But Peter thinks it's kind of rude to pretend you like someone, actually.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 251





	Get Serious

“Spidey! You’re home!”

“Oh no,” groaned Peter Parker as he opened the creaky front door of his apartment. “Please, _please_ tell me you’re not here. Not tonight.” It had been a long evening of patrols with little success and all Peter wanted to do was climb into his bed and _sleep_. With the appearance of his newest house-guest, he knew perfectly well that he had a better chance of winning the lottery without purchasing a ticket than getting to kick back and relax. 

“Aww, don’t act so happy to see me,” came the call from the living room couch. “I’m just here to see my very favourite bug-like superhero. I even brought a gift! Guess what it is?”

“Wade, I’m exhausted, can this wait?” Peter sighed as he entered his apartment and dropped his things on the floor haphazardly. Sitting on his couch eating what appeared to be an _entire_ pizza was none other than Wade Wilson, the infamous Deadpool. He had obtained an unfortunate habit of late that involved crawling into Peter’s apartment through the window and startling him while he was in various states of undress. This was the first time he had stayed while Peter wasn’t home, but he certainly seemed comfortable stretched out on the couch and Peter wondered idly if he had done it before. He was still wearing his costume, mask included, although he had thrown a hoodie and baseball cap on over it in an unsuccessful attempt at looking casual.

“I travelled all the way here on my very own tired feet after a long day of terrorizing the citizens of New York, Petey,” Wade whined, setting the pizza on the coffee table and turning around to stare at him over the top of the couch like a little kid. “I want some reimbursement for all the effort I took to get over here. I even broke a finger trying to get in through your window. Did you know that you’ve got more locks and chains than normal on there? You having burglar problems?”

“Have you ever considered that _you’re_ the reason I put them there?” asked Peter, putting his hands on his hips and trying to look intimidating. (Not easy to do when you’re a lean-bodied, albeit fit, nerd and you’re facing down 200+ pounds of mercenary _muscle_.) “And what do you mean by reimbursement? I haven’t got anything for you; you ate all my groceries the last time you came over. I’m surviving off ramen noodles and apple juice.”

“I happen to think ramen noodles are an excellent source of nutritional value,” Wade stated defensively. “And I’m looking for a different kind of reimbursement, Spidey-Baby. C’mon over, give ol’ Deadpool a smooch. I’ve been waiting here for _hours_ , it’s the least you can do.”

“Quit joking around, Wade,” Peter scolded. “I’m going to bed, don’t destroy my apartment.”

“Careful!” Wade called as Peter entered his bedroom. “I left your gift on the bed, it’s very delicate!” Fearing the worst, like perhaps a live grenade or small carnivorous animal, Peter approached his bed and stared at the badly wrapped rectangular present sitting there. It appeared that Wade had used newspapers to wrap whatever it was, and the paper was glued instead of taped. He hesitated for a moment as he considered throwing it on the floor and forgetting about it, but he knew Wade would never let him hear the end of _that_. With a long-suffering sigh and a quick thought of _why me_ , Peter picked it up and began peeling away the sticky cover cautiously. After a minute or so of cursing and fingers getting stuck to the glue, the wrapping finally fell away and he could see what exactly he had been gifted. Inside was a picture frame covered with macaroni, and inside the picture frame…

“Wade!” Peter yelled angrily. “What on earth is this?”

Wade’s mask appeared around the doorframe. “It’s a tribute to our everlasting love,” he explained like it was obvious. “I printed that off the internet. You’d be amazed at how many people make stuff like this. It took ages for me to choose one, but that’s my favourite because your butt looks almost as good as the real thing. The macaroni art is all mine though. I’m considering a copyright.”

“Who in their right mind would draw this?” Peter groaned as he glanced back at the picture where his likeness in full spidey-gear was on his knees in front of a massively muscled Deadpool. It was well drawn, certainly, but that didn’t excuse the fact that he would never do such a thing, or look so wanton while he did it! Pete couldn’t help but narrow his eyes at how they had drawn him with such a feminine, tiny figure.

“I tried to draw my own,” Wade said offhandedly. “It didn’t turn out so well, so I stapled it to the back of someone’s jacket on my way here.”

“Why do you do stuff like this?” Peter asked angrily, setting the picture frame down on his desk and making a mental note to set it on fire later. “You always tease me like this and pretend you’re interested in me but it’s not funny, not even by your standards. Nobody likes it when someone acts like they’re into them as a joke. It’s happened to me too many times before and I’m sick of being made fun of for other people to have a laugh.”

“Pretend?” Wade blinked at him. “I don’t pretend to be interested in you.”

“Then what is this all about?” Peter demanded, pointing at the graphic picture. “And asking me to kiss you all the time? Asking me on those stupid fake dates or walks on the beach and _god_ all those comments about my ass. If it’s not for a laugh then _why?_ ”

Wade paused for a moment before his expression became serious behind the mask, and he stepped forwards to push Peter against the wall, trapped by his bulky body. He reached for his mask, and with only a little hesitation, he removed it completely. Peter had seen his face before (though not often) and was unsurprised at its mottled and scarred appearance. He was much more concerned about the fact that Wade had him pinned against the wall with a thick muscular thigh pressing in between his legs, dangerously close to his crotch.

“Wade, what-”

“I was never pretending, Petey,” said the mercenary with the most serious expression that Peter had ever seen him wear. “I’ve never wanted anything in the world as much as I want you. I ask you to kiss me because I always wish that maybe someday you’ll actually _do_ _it_ and we can live out our shitty little happily ever after that I spend all my time thinking about. You’re the only person that’s ever made me feel like I even _have_ the option of a happily ever after. I’ve been in love with you for ages, Pete. It‘s never been a joke to me. Never. I just didn’t want to hear you say you didn’t want me. If I was never serious, it was always easy to brush off when you said no.” 

Peter stared up into Wade’s sincere eyes with shock on his face. Never in his life would he have expected that he’d be hearing a declaration of love from Deadpool. Well, not a serious one anyway; he’d heard plenty of teasing remarks about how much he loved every little piece of him. It was a bit daunting to look back and realize that maybe he hadn’t been joking at all.

“I don’t know what to say,” he whispered, staring into Wade’s eyes. “Are you _sure_ this isn’t another joke? Because that would be shitty of you.”

“No joke, Petey!” Wade insisted. “I mean it, cross my heart and hope to sort-of-die.” He paused and eyed Peter. “Can we kiss now?”

“I, uh, I don’t- um,” Peter spluttered, face flushing at the question that he now knew was a genuine proposal. “If you, I mean, okay I guess, just- mmph!”

Wade didn’t hesitate after hearing the consent. With a gasp like he couldn’t believe he was allowed, he dove forwards and captured Peter’s mouth in his own, sliding his hands up to hold either side of his face in a gentle way that greatly contradicted the way he was kissing him. It was passionate and deep and at first Peter wasn’t sure quite where he should be taking this, but Wade wasted no time in prompting him to open his mouth and allow him to slip his tongue inside to stroke languidly against his. Peter hesitated only a moment longer before he let his arms wind up around Wade’s shoulders and pushed back into the embrace, opening his mouth wider and tilting to give Wade more access.

When their mouths separated, Peter groaned disappointedly, shocking even himself.

“Don’t worry baby boy, I’m gonna take care of you,” Wade murmured in his ear, kissing a tender spot just under Peter’s jaw and slowly working his way down to his throat. “I’m gonna make you fall apart. I’ve been dreaming about this for so long, holy _shit_.’

Embarrassedly, the only word witty Peter Parker could form was a gasp of, “Please.”

Wade leaned back in to kiss him again, this time pressing the entire length of his body into the smaller one beneath him and readjusting the thigh between Peter’s legs to press more insistently on the hardness now developing there. Peter sighed quietly into their kiss and Wade smiled against his mouth.

“You’re so beautiful. So, so beautiful,” Wade told him with his lips trailing slowly down over his throat until his mouth reached the collar of Peter’s t-shirt, which he bit at lightly. “This has to go, babe. Lift your arms for me.” Peter did as he was told and Wade pulled the shirt over his head. The moment his chest was exposed, Wade dove back in to press firm kisses over his collarbone, slowly moving downwards over his chest to run his tongue over a pert little pink nipple and glancing up to see Peter’s open, panting mouth and half-lidded eyes.

“Wade,” Peter breathed, grabbing at the ridiculous hoodie he had on. “Take this off. Now.”

“Will do, Petey,” Wade said against his skin before pulling away to drag the zipper down slowly. Peter pushed it off him without hesitation and then waited expectantly for him to shed the suit as well. Wade seemed a little unsure, something Peter wasn’t used to seeing in the man, but he shuffled out of the top half of his suit regardless. A little slowly, Peter leaned forwards and pressed his lips against the mercenary’s collar bone. Wade let out a stuttered breath that sounded a little bit like relief before dragging Peter’s mouth back up to meet his with renewed fervour.

“Can I- Please, Pete, can I touch-?” Wade panted when he finally managed to pull back for a moment, cutting his sentence off with more heated kisses. Instead of replying, Peter pushed back against Wade and without disconnecting their mouths he managed to maneuver the both of them onto the bed.

“You can touch, Wade,” Peter groaned as he straddled Wade’s hips. He shivered when he felt the stiffness that didn’t belong to him against his inner thigh. “Please, please touch me.”

“God, you’re gorgeous,” Wade whispered as his hand shifted downwards to press against the hardness waiting there eagerly. Peter whimpered. Without preamble, Wade undid the zipper of Peter’s jeans and let his hand wrap around his cock, pulling it out of its confines and staring with his mouth slightly agape like he couldn’t believe that he had caused this reaction in _Spider-Man_ of all people. With his eyes shifting back and forth from Peters face to his cock as though he couldn’t decide which was more beautiful, he began to slowly slide his hand up and down over the soft skin, letting his thumb rub against the sensitive area under the head each time. Peter stared down at Wade’s hand in a dream-like haze.

“You’re gonna have to pinch me after this so I know this isn’t just a really fantastic dream,” Wade whispered as his grip on Peter became tighter and faster and his moans began to fill the heavy air of the bedroom. “There’s no way something this perfect even _exists._ ”

“Shut up, Wade,” Peter whined, leaning forwards to press his lips desperately against his in an attempt to quiet him. It worked, momentarily, until Wade found himself a better way to shut up.

“Lemme blow you, Petey, please,” he begged, shifting his hips slightly and groaning when his cock brushed up against Peter’s still denim-covered ass. “I’m good, I swear I’m good. Let me do it.”

“How good?” Peter asked, sitting back against the hardness he felt pressing on his backside. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but he found that he loved it. Loved that he could feel exactly how much Wade was enjoying this. If Wade’s confession wasn’t enough to prove that he wanted him, this was. 

“I could make you come, I swear, in my mouth if you wanted,” Wade said eagerly, now grinding into Peter with renewed vigour, one hand grasping at his backside and the other still working between his legs. “I’ll learn everything that feels good for you and I’ll do it all. I’ll do everything for you if you just let me.”

“Okay.” Peter closed his eyes and groaned at the mental image. “Do it.”

“Thought you’d never ask.” Wade let go of his cock and with one smooth movement, he flipped Peter over onto his back and hovered over him on his knees. Slowly, with his eyes not leaving Peter’s face, he pulled down the rumpled jeans and threw them to the side carelessly. “No underwear?” he asked, amused, once he had discarded the pants.

“It’s a pain if I have to change into the suit,” Peter mumbled, looking a little embarrassed. “And I’ve gotten used to it, and it’s comfortable…”

“Doesn’t hurt my feelings baby boy.” Wade grinned and leaned down to rub his lips over the head of Peter’s cock. “So beautiful,” he repeated for what had to be the 100th time that night. Grasping it with one hand, he swallowed down to the base with practiced ease.

“Oh shit,” Peter cried, reaching down habitually to grab hair that wasn’t there and pulling on the back of his head instead.

“Good?” Wade asked, lips popping off his dick with an obscene noise and looking up at Peter. “Tell me what you like.”

“T-The top,” Peter said, looking completely frazzled. “I like it when you lick- Ohhhh, yes, just like that.”

“Such a good boy,” Wade whispered, before returning his mouth to its previous activity. Peter stared down at him in haze of lust and amazement. Wade _was_ good at this. Peter couldn’t help but wonder where he had learned, wonder who else he had practiced this on.

“Wade, hang on,” Peter said breathlessly, laying his hands on either side of Wade’s face and encouraging him to come up for air. Wade stared at him in an almost offended way, as though he were a child being denied a piece of candy. “I want to try. On you.”

“Oh.” Wade’s eyes widened comically. “ _Oh._ For real? Seriously? Oh my god this is a wet dream come true. Get over here.” Peter sat up and struggled not to laugh when Wade threw himself onto the bed on his back, bouncing a few times before settling and looking at him expectantly, his hardened dick standing up like it was begging for attention. Peter hadn’t actually ever given a blowjob before and his stomach did nervous flips as he crawled over Wade, but he also found himself a little excited at the prospect.

“Tell me if I do anything wrong,” he said as he gripped Wade’s cock around the base and lowered his head to rub his lips over the head. Wade just groaned and shifted his hips, causing his dick to slide against Peter’s cheek. Peter rubbed his face against it for a second, surprised at how the action sent bolts of arousal shooting between his legs. With one last moment to compose himself, Peter opened his mouth and gently slid partways down the length. Wade let out a strangled moan and his hands grasped the bed sheets tightly, trying desperately to keep his hips still to avoid gagging Peter, who was becoming more confident each time he slid his pretty lips down his dick to meet his fist where it was pulling in a steady rhythm. Just when he thought it couldn’t possibly get any better, Wade felt a vibration course through him as Peter _moaned_ around his cock. Holy _shitballs_ , that was hot.

“Make all the noise you want,” Wade gasped, placing a hand gently into Peter’s hair as he slid his mouth off for a break, lips wet and pink. “I love hearing you.”

“Okay.” Peter smiled and ducked back down to suck Wade down again, letting out a wanton noise as soon as he was back in his mouth. Wade swore and his head slammed back against the bed.

“God, you’re too good,” he groaned as Peter worked him feverishly, glancing up at him under dark eyelashes as his lips slid slickly over his cock. “Seriously good. Oh, man, shit, fuck, you gotta stop baby boy-”

“Why?” asked Peter after popping off with a cheeky smile, stroking him idly.

“Because I’m gonna come.” Wade grabbed his hand to stop its ministrations. “I want to take care of you first.”

“Okay,” Peter whispered, crawling back up to Wade’s face and kissing him gently. “What do you want to do?”

“Well… Whatever you want,” Wade tilted his head to the side, looking unsure. “My hand, or my mouth… You could even fuck me if you wanted.” Peter leaned back and stared at him, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. His offer made his erection twitch hopefully, but something else had been on his mind since he had sat in Wade’s lap and felt his hardness against his ass. Never in his life had he thought he would say it, but…

“I want you to be inside me,” he said as confidently as he could manage. A difficult thing to do when all the images flashing through his brain were foreign and intimidating. He knew the concept and understood why people did it, but never in his life had he stopped to consider that _he_ could ever want it. But yet, here he sat, probably harder than he had ever been in his life, asking a ruthless mercenary to stick his dick up his ass.

“That’s… No way,” Wade whispered, staring at him reverentially. “Petey, you’ve never done it before. Are you sure? Because you can do me instead, seriously.”

“I want it,” Peter replied, amazed at how true the words were. “I really want to do it. For some crazy reason I know you won’t hurt me.”

Wade surged forwards and pulled the back of Peter’s neck down into a passionate kiss, at the same time pushing him until he was on his back with a scarred hand eagerly pushing his thighs open. Peter gasped as Wade’s hand gave his thigh a tight squeeze.

“We need lube, like, ASAP,” Wade muttered, lips working at Peter’s neck. “Please, _please_ , tell me you have lube.”

“Yeah,” Peter breathed, “It’s in the nightstand.” Wade wasted no time in leaning back and stretching a muscled arm out to rustle through the contents of the nightstand, making a happy “ _a-ha_!” noise the moment he found his prize. Peter heard a click, and before he was entirely prepared for the feeling, a wet finger had reached down to nudge gently at his entrance. Peter was sure that the grin on Wade’s face was not entirely sane, but he didn’t have time to consider it before the mercenary’s free hand was tugging at his erection.

“I’m gonna start putting my finger in now,” Wade assured Peter. “Just relax as much as you can and try to ignore how weird it feels. It shouldn’t take long to find the ‘holy shit Wade you’re the best’ spot.”

Peter would have rolled his eyes and said something sarcastic in reply to Wade’s apparent cockiness, but it was at that moment that he felt a finger slide easily up inside of him. The feeling was foreign and strange, but Wade’s hand on his dick was distracting enough that it wasn’t overwhelming. The finger didn’t move for a moment; Wade waited patiently for Peter to give him the go-ahead. When he nodded, the finger slid slowly back out. And then right back in, faster.

“Shit, that’s different,” Pete gasped, staring down at Wade’s finger sliding in and out of him, slick with lube.

“Think you can do two?” Wade asked, taking a hand off Pete’s cock to throw his leg up over his shoulder. Something about the movement felt viciously dirty to Peter and he nodded vigorously in response to the question. Wade stared him in the eyes as he slowly slid two fingers in. His gaze was reverent and heavy and Peter had a hard time deciding if he was more likely to come from Wade’s expression or from the fingers slowly fucking him, now feeling decidedly good. When he saw Wade begin to loosely stroke his own dick with a lubed up hand, he let out a soft anticipatory moan. Wade smirked at the sound, never losing rhythm as he continued to open up his favourite superhero.

“C’mon,” Pete begged at last, reduced to a wreck shining with sweat and pre-cum. “I’m ready. So ready.”

“I’ve _never_ been more ready,” Wade chattered back, withdrawing his fingers and grinding his erection against Peter’s ass. He teased his hole for a moment before finally, _finally_ sinking into Pete’s heat.

“Fuck,” Peter groaned, throwing his head back. He felt stretched to his maximum capacity by Wade’s cock and it felt like a lifetime for Wade to bottom out and slot his trembling hips against Peter’s ass. Wade’s face was set in a permanent gasp, like he had never experienced anything so perfect in his life.

“I pictured you,” Wade said reminiscently as he began to make gentle movements into Peter. “I imagined you a thousand times and even with my _vivid_ imagination I never came close to the real thing.” He paused mid-thrust, thoughtfully. “Well I guess I did _come close_ , if you get my drift.”

“Are you serious?” Pete groaned, shifting his hips in frustration as the pleasurable movements ceased seemingly the moment he had adjusted to them. “This is not comedy central, fuck me already!”

Wade grinned wolfishly and immediately slammed a hard thrust into Pete that took his breath away. “With pleasure,” Wade purred to him.

Peter grasped the bedsheets and cried out as Wade fucked him earnestly, pounding into him hard enough to rattle the bedframe against the wall. The force of his thrusts made Peter’s leaking cock bounce against his belly and the feeling was nearly overwhelming. Every slide of Wade’s cock was hitting his prostate and sending shooting stars of intensity flashing through his body, lighting up every nerve and making his skin feel like it was on fire wherever Wade brushed over it.

“You take it so well,” Wade praised, rubbing the leg that was kicked over his shoulder. With one clean movement, Wade pulled out and used his mercenary strength to flip Pete over onto his belly, ass displayed in the air. He took a moment to appreciate the view of Peter panting with half-lidded eyes before he took hold of himself and fucked back into Peter’s ass with one sweet movement. The new angle added another layer of intensity and Peter gasped and moaned every time he was pushed into the pillows with the thrusts from behind.

“I’m close, babe,” groaned Wade, rolling his hips powerfully and holding onto Peter’s hips, almost dragging him back onto his cock with every motion.

“Me too,” Peter replied, staring back at him with a sinfully wrecked expression that Wade knew was now his biggest weakness. He reached a hand under Peter and started stroking his straining cock in time with his thrusts, drinking in Pete’s moans as they increased in volume and intensity.

“ _Fuck_ , Wade,” Peter cried finally as he came over the sheets and Wade’s slowing hand, thighs twitching and shuddering with the power of it.

“Yeah baby, you’re so fucking beautiful,” Wade gasped, squeezing his ass as he fucked into Pete with abandon. “I’m gonna come too, shit, oh my god.” With one last stutter of his hips and a loud exclamation, Wade slammed home and came hard deep inside, his head bowed over Peter’s back.

They were still for a moment, until Wade regained enough sense to realize he should probably remove his sloppy dick from Peter’s ass. He collapsed down next to him, staring at him as though he was waiting to wake up from a dream.

“Wow,” Peter said, staring right back with nearly the same expression. “So that happened.”

“I’d like for it to happen many, many more times,” the mercenary replied. “Like, everywhere in this apartment. On patrols. In lingerie. While baking cookies. If we can think of it, I wanna do it.”

Peter grinned and pinched Wade’s shoulder. “We might be able to arrange something.” He hesitated for a moment, mulling over his thoughts, before adding, “So, just to clarify. This _definitely_ isn’t a joke, right?”

“You’re the only thing I’ve ever taken seriously.” Wade replied, pulling a smiling Peter in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally started writing this like 4+ years ago and finished it 5 minutes ago, name a better procrastinator


End file.
